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Le Faux pas

-- Control Room --

A scientist is shown preparing the UAV. The propellers are seen spinning, making a noise. Sam walks from the embarkation room to the control room.

Carter: UAV is a go for launch, sir.

Hammond: Launch.

The UAV flies thru the gate at a high speed.

O'Neill: That never gets old. I love that.

Technician: UAV will arrive at PJ2-445 in three... two... one.

Jack moves to next to Carter, who is at the computer.

Carter: Automatic Terrain Radar System is functioning. You know, lf this technology works out, sir, we'll be able to do more long-range reconnaissance.

O'Neill: Cool.

Carter: Sensors are indicating sporadic spots of heat.

Hammond: What are they?

Carter: When we were there yesterday, sir, we didn't get this far from the gate. It could be anything. Air vents, warm-water springs...

O'Neill: Perhaps... life forms?

Carter: Motion detectors don't indicate any movement, sir.

Technician: Losing signal.

Carter: What? That shouldn't be happening. Switching to manual control.

Life pictures come from the UAV. It's flying very low, maybe 3 ft. above the ground. O'Neill: Come on, Captain. Pull it up.

Carter: I can't, sir.

She's trying to control the UAV with hand controls, it crashes into one of the white plant.

Technician: Lost signal. Trying to re-establish.

Carter: This doesn't any make sense. This UAV was specially designed for exactly this type of radio control.

Hammond: What was that it crashed into?

Carter: I'm no botanist, sir, but it looked like some sort of plant life.

Technician: We have visual contact re-established.

O'Neill: We didn't... need that UAV, did we, sir?

Carter: Uh... I need the flight recorder, sir, to determine why the controls failed. Estimated distance from the gate is i0 miles.

O'Neill: Aie! Six hours there and back.

A person is seen passing in front of the UAV. He bends down, and looks curiously into the camera.

Carter: That would confirm the presence of life forms on PJ2-445.

The UAV's camera shows that it is moving away from the plant. The person is carrying it.

O'Neill: Well... I guess that changes the priority of this mission, eh, sir?

Starring: Richard Dean Anderson as Colonel Jack O'Neill Michael Shanks as Doctor Daniel Jackson Amanda Tapping as Major Samantha Carter Christopher Judge as Teal'c Don S Davis as General George Hammond

Executive Producers: Michael Greenburg Richard Dean Anderson

Developed for Television by: Brad Wright & Jonathan Glassner

Also starring: Colin Heath as Alien "Steve" Teryl Rothery as Doctor Janet Frasier

Co-Producer: Robert C. Cooper

Produced by: N. John Smith

Written by: Michael Kaplan John Sanborn

Directed by: William Corcoran

-- Planet PJ2-445 Stargate --

The gate is shown opening, SG1 steps thru.

Jackson: Déjà vu.

Teal'c: I am unfamiliar with that term.

Jackson: Um, it means I feel like I've been here before.

Teal'c: That is correct, Daniel Jackson. Yesterday, when we first arrived on this planet.

Jackson: Right. What was I thinking?

Daniel sneezes.

O'Neill: Bless.

Carter: I'm not picking up the locating beacon on the UAV, but the crash site should be this way.

Jackson: I thought the alien on the video looked fairly docile - more curious than harmful.

O'Neill: I thought it looked bald, white and naked.

Teal'c: Since it is their planet, is it not we who are the aliens?

Jackson: Actually, The word alien refers to anything characteristic of a very different place or culture. Anything really strange relative from our own perspective.

O'Neill: Think we call you alien because you're from Chulak? Ha!

-- Damaged Plant --

Kinda weird, huh? Captain, why don't you start ...

Carter: Sir, Plant life on Earth accounts for more than 80% of our medicinal resources. We should really check it out.

O'Neill: Check it out.

Jackson: These other ones must not be full-grown I guess. (Atchoo)

O'Neill: Bless.

Jackson: Oh, boy.

Teal'c: The UAV was dragged in that direction. (Begins walking)

O'Neill: And that direction it is.

-- Outside Alien Village --

Daniel: Dwellings.

O'Neill: Lots of 'em.

Man who took the UAV appears, and stands behind a bush. Sam grabs Daniel's arm to get his attention.

Jackson: (softly) Um, Jack.

O'Neill: (Still looking at the dwelling thru his binoculars.) Yeah?

Daniel: (clears throat)

O'Neill: What?

Jack Turns, sees man, looks at him thru binoculars. Man puts his cupped hands up to his eyes making like binoculars.

Jackson: Hi. (Man runs away) (Faint shrilling is heard) Well, I guess that was the wrong thing to say. (Other people come out of the dwellings)

O'Neill: What do you think, Daniel? Are they... friendly spirits?

Jackson: I guess we should go find out.

-- Alien Village --

Daniel holds up his hand. The aliens mimic him.

Jackson: Hello. I'm Daniel Jackson. (The Aliens try to talk) Try smiling. (Teal'C shows some teeth.) (Jack and Sam smile, and the aliens show some teeth too.)

O'Neill: (Thru his smile) This is bizarre.

Carter: Uh, Daniel...

The aliens start closing in on SG1.

Jackson: Keep smiling. Don't move.

Teal'c: I am not fond of this.

O'Neill: Me neither.

Daniel: They just wanna see what we feel like. (The continue to touch SG1 curiously. One takes out Daniel's knife) Oh, hey! Wait!

O'Neill: What?

Jackson: One of them got my knife.

Carter: I got it. Hey, there. Hi. That's not for you. It’s very dangerous. Could I have it back, please?

Daniel sneezes.

The alien gets scared and drops the knife, it cuts her hand.

Carter: Agh!

The Aliens move away from them.

Jackson: it's... it's just a sneeze.

O'Neill: Carter, how's your hand?

Carter: it'll be all right, sir.

Teal'c: I have never before encountered such a species.

Daniel: I'm gonna try and communicate again.

O'Neill: Want some company?

Jackson: I think it'll be less intimidating if I go alone.

O'Neill: All right. Find out what you can about the UAV.

Jackson: OK. (Goes inside a dwelling. One alien is pain ting white stripes on another's face) (Daniel sits down next to the painter) So... (Aliens look at each other; Daniel points to himself) (Aliens point to themselves, trying to speak) Daniel. You don't... You don't speak at all, do you? (Silence) OK. (He draws a stick person with the hat he's wearing) That's ... (Points to himself) (The aliens draw random shapes in the sand next to his figure) (He takes off his glasses) (The painter draws 2 white lines across his face) Thank you.

O'Neill: You gotta wonder what they're talking about in there.

Daniel imitates the UAV motor ... running around the dwelling, with his hands out like wings, makes the sound of the drone of the engine. Imitates engine shutting down. Aliens look at each other.

Jackson: Well, they're not naked. They're covered with something. Look. It’s some sort of body paint that hardens into a second skin when it dries. Well, I have to admit this is one of the stranger cultures I've ever seen. As far as I can tell, they're communal, but there's little sign of actual of social communication. I haven't seen any tools or signs of a functional civilization.

O'Neill: So they're a little less evolved than we are.

Jackson: Well, we don't wanna jump to any conclusions. Remember the Nox.

Carter: And they did build these... homes.

O'Neill: That's a kind appraisal. What about the UAV?

Aliens come out dwelling.

Jackson: I've tried everything I know about rudimentary communication. And, to be honest, I've had more successful conversations with dogs.

O'Neill: So?

Jackson: So they're probably a little less evolved than we are. (The aliens are shown bringing the UAV back; the first alien that was seen thru the camera puts out his arms like wings, doing Daniel's imitation of the UAV) Yes! Yes! The... the... The... (Puts out his arms, flapping them like wings) the... Yes! Thank you. This... This is a major breakthrough. (One of the aliens appears to have gas or oil on his hand from the UAV; he's shown rubbing it) (Atchoo) I'm sorry. This is, uh... This is nothing to worry about. (The alien falls down) (Sam checks him) Of course, I could be wrong.

Carter: I can't find a pulse, but I don't know if that means anything. He's still breathing.

O'Neill: Captain, why don't we back off for now, huh?

Jackson: I really hope this isn't because I sneezed on him.

Teal'c: This one appeared to have lubricant from the UAV on his hands. Perhaps that is what has made him ill.

O'Neill: Could be their national pastime for all we know. Maybe they got low blood sug...

(tuneful wailing)

Carter: They're singing.

O'Neill: is that what that is?

Jackson: Some Native American as well as African and Aboriginal tribes believe that music and chants have medicinal powers.

Carter: The sound is ... (Another alien falls) incredible.

Jackson: Well, I guess it didn't work quite like they hoped.

Teal'c: (Carrying an alien inside the dwelling) O'Neill, should we not leave now?

Jackson: What?

Teal'c: Our presence here may make more of them ill.

Carter: I was wondering the same thing, Daniel. What if we're causing this?

Daniel: Look at them. They don't know what's happening, much less how to help themselves.

O'Neill: hey, We don't even know what's happening, much less how to help them. (Another alien falls!)

Jackson: Well, whatever it is, it's turning into an epidemic.

-- Planet Stargate --

Janet and some medic come thru the gate in full hazard gear carrying trunks of medical supplies.

Frasier: Now, this is a house call. Let's go.

O'Neill: Straight away, boys.

-- Alien Village --

Frasier: Captain Carter.

Carter: Dr Frasier.

Frasier: What's the situation?

Carter: We're up to i4 afflicted. They seem to just double over in pain and pass out. From there they remain unconscious. We've introduced a number of foreign substances that could be responsible.

Frasier: OK. Let's set up over here.

O'Neill: And the UAV ran into that... plant thing I showed you.

Jackson: I've been sneezing like crazy ever since we got here.

Carter: I cut my hand. They could have come in contact with my blood.

Teal'c: One had lubricant from the UAV on his hands.

Frasier: OK, look, the fact is, it could be somebody's aftershave. How are they going to react if I want to run some tests?

Jackson: The behavior of the group indicates serious agitation and concern. This is obviously unusual to them. They're worried, but they've been very passive and willing to let us try to help.

Frasier: (Coming out the dwelling without the mask on) Your tests are all clean.

Jackson: What about them? I'm pretty limited here. They may look similar to us, but they are definitely very different.

O'Neill: You don't know what's wrong, do you?

Frasier: No. If we take one back to Earth, I can run more extensive tests. Under Level Two quarantine, it should be safe.

Jackson: I'd like to stay.

O'Neill: What for?

Jackson: Keep trying to communicate with them. Reassure them we're trying to help.

Frasier: I don't see any danger, sir.

O'Neill: We're not making things worse by being here?

Frasier: No, I think the damage is probably already done. Quarantine the sick, in case this problem is contagious amongst them. I also suggest you check out the other villages in the distance. If this illness is present there, it just may rule us out as the origin.

O'Neill: OK. Carter, you go back with Frasier. Report to General Hammond, and get your hand looked at. Daniel, Teal'c and I'll stick around.

-- Planet Stargate --

(Stargate gurgles)

One of the aliens is on a stretcher. Another Alien pats the one of the stretcher.

Jackson: it's OK. Everything's going to be fine.

The UAV stealing alien looks worried.

-- SGC Infirmary Quarantine Room / Lab --

Medic: On three.

Carter: All right. You're going to be OK.

Frasier: Get this out of here. Give me your stethoscope when you're done.

Carter: (The alien is awake. He grabs Sam’s arm) When he got sick, they all gathered around him and started making this incredible sound. It was like music. (She holds his hand, and rubs his arm)

-- Planet Surface --

Teal'c: Do you not believe we are responsible, O'Neill?

O'Neill: Yes, I believe we are..... not. We should check it out either way.

Teal'c: it is possible an alien went to warn others, and spread the disease.

O'Neill: Yeah. I guess. (Feels faint, drops to his knees)Whoa! I got it.

Teal'c: Are you all right, O'Neill?

O'Neill: I'm fine. Look... Teal'c, I know this might be tough for you, but do you mind if we just walked without talking for a while?

Teal'c: Do you feel an illness?

O'Neill: A little headache. I'll be fine.

-- SGC Infirmary Quarantine Room / Lab --

Carter: How's it going?

Frasier: Nothing conclusive yet. I'm gonna do an ultrasound to see if I can get a clear picture of their internal organs.

She puts the ultrasound on, he wakes up. She goes to put the ultrasound on his body ...

(high-pitched wailing) (LOL! My poor dogs! ;))

Frasier: Maybe I'll try another way. (Poor Alien looks around, fearfully as he's being sent thru the CAT scan)`There are a number of common elements in their blood. Red and white cells, glucose, protein.

Carter: But you're working with a human frame of reference.

Frasier: Exactly. How am I supposed to know what's normal for these guys?

(Machine bleeps and pulsates)

Carter: Uh... That's not exactly normal, is it?

Frasier: Not from any anatomy I've learned. Look at this.

-- Planet Surface --

Aliens are still down in the dwelling being tended to by other Aliens. Daniel walks out side, and stops. The first alien, the one from the camera, looks at him. A white plant, which was up, goes down into the ground.

Jackson: Whoa! (Walks toward Alien)What... uh... what... What just happened? (Alien bends down, imitating the plant falling)Right. (Thumb up)Good impression.

O'Neill: What's up?

Jackson: The plant. Or, at least, it was.

O'Neill: What?

Jackson: it had grown to over six feet tall, and when I came up to it, it just shrank back down into the ground. I'm gonna back up again, see if it does it again.

O'Neill: Witness if you will... squat.

Jackson: Well, you... You saw it too. See? Just... like that.

Teal'c: Many of the aliens in nearby villages are ill.

Jackson: OK... What are we gonna do?

O'Neill: How should I know?

Jackson: Well, we need to do something.

O'Neill: (Harsh tone) I agree with you. But I haven't had the brilliant revelations you seem to have had.

Jackson: Maybe you could try something a little bit better than inappropriate sarcasm.

O'Neill: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet you. (Alien steps between them, forcing a smile)What's he smiling at?

Teal'c: He appears to be bothered by the tone you have taken towards each other. As am l.

O'Neill: Uh, Teal'c... Head back to the gate. Get a message to General Hammond. Let him know what's going on here.

Teal'c: And the two of you will be fine?

O'Neill: Yeah. Yeah. We'll be OK. I'm gonna stick around and work on this quarantine thing with plant-boy here.

-- SGC Infirmary Quarantine Room / Lab --

Sam was with the alien, moves to observation room.

Hammond: We just got a report from Teal'c. The sick now number over a hundred among the aliens that they could count. The disease does not appear to be local to the village you encountered.

Frasier: The muscle that I've identified as the alien's heart is beating more and more erratically.

Hammond: So whatever he's got is going to kill him?

Frasier: I don't know how much longer I can keep this one alive, sir. I'm afraid to administer drugs because it could make him worse.

Carter: Sir, if you don't mind, what are you thinking?

Hammond: Captain, I am thinking that the unfortunate reality is that this scenario was not totally unexpected.

Frasier: Actually, the surprising thing is it hasn't happened more often. We think it may be because there are so many transplanted humans from Earth on other planets that most contagions we carry are already out there.

Carter: yeah, well, Not in this case.

Hammond: unfortunately, There's only so much time and so many resources that this facility can devote to this situation.

Frasier: Sir, I didn't say it was hopeless.

Carter: They didn't ask for this. They're clearly unable to help themselves. We just can't keep trampling through the galaxy with no regard for the damage that we can do.

Frasier: Sir, we need more time.

Carter: A lot more time.

Hammond: How much time you've got is not up to me.

Carter: Sir?

Hammond: You said it yourself, doctor. They are dying.

-- Planet Surface --

O'Neill: (Inside dwelling to aliens) Ah-ah-ah. Get back. (Aliens are walking outside)Come on. Get back. Fine. Knock yourself out. Go ahead. Go play in the street. Don't forget your sun block. (To Daniel) Why aren't you helping me?

Jackson: it's no use. They don't understand. They wanna be with each other.

O'Neill: We're not gonna stand around doing nothing.

Jackson: We're not doing nothing.

O'Neill: You're videotaping a plant.

Jackson: Well, I think this might be important.

O'Neill: I think you might be losing what's left of your mind.

Jackson: What's that supposed to mean?

O'Neill: it means that on a good day you can be a little flaky.

Jackson: And on a good day you can be a little ignorant and condescending.

O'Neill: Not condescending. You're obviously misreading a basic philosophical difference of opinion on how to handle a crisis.

Jackson: oh, Please! We have a difference of opinion on just about everything.

O'Neill: Give me an example.

Jackson: (Raising voice) I don't know. Pick something. How about mythology?

O'Neill: (Calming voice made to piss Daniel off) Rumors, lies, fairy tales.

Jackson: You see? (Dancing around in circles, clearly pissed)See? See? See? (Yelling) (Alien comes up to them looking at them)Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!

O'Neill: Maybe it is, What's that got to do with (Very raised voice) filming a plant?!

Jackson: (Screaming now) Exactly!

O'Neill: What does that mean?!

Jackson: I don't know!

Alien blinks at them, frightened.

O'Neill: (Softer, calmer voice) OK. What was that?

Jackson: I don't know. I don't feel so good.

O'Neill: I've got a headache.

Jackson: Maybe we're getting whatever they have. (Alien faints)

They bring the alien inside. Jack rubs his head.

Jackson: Getting worse?

O'Neill: Yeah. Kinda. (Teal'C walks in)Hey, Teal'c.

Teal'c: Dr Frasier and Captain Carter have had little success in healing the alien.

O'Neill: Well, I think Daniel and I are coming down with something. How are you doing?

Teal'c: I remain unaffected.

O'Neill: I think we should probably go back and get checked out, huh?

Teal'c: I will remain.

O'Neill: All right, Teal'c. If we're not back in i2 hours, come on home.

Jackson: (Sets up camera) Would you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?

Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.

Jackson: Thank you.

Daniel and Jack begin walking toward the gate. (Remember, it's 10 miles!) Daniel looks like he's going to be sick.

O'Neill: Are you gonna make this? (Daniel stops, wobbles, looks back at the swellings) Come on.

-- SGC Gate Room --

(Stargate alarm)

Carter: Are you OK?

Daniel: We started to feel sick.

Carter: What kind of sick?

O'Neill: Headaches. Brutal headaches.

Jackson: But now I feel fine.

Hammond: Colonel, are you OK?

O'Neill: I'm feeling better, actually.

-- Infirmary --

They're both sitting on the same bed.

O'Neill: Listen, l, uh...

Jackson: No, no. Um... Sorry. You were gonna say?

O'Neill: No, it's just that, uh... Well... You know.

Jackson: No, I know. I know. You know that I...

O'Neill: I know. It’s obvious there's something...

Jackson: ..wrong with us.

Daniel/O'Neill: Physically.

Frasier: Well, there's nothing wrong with you.

O'Neill: What?

O'Neill: I've run every test, short of exploratory brain surgery. You are both in perfect health.

O'Neill: Huh.

Medic: Dr Frasier to critical care, stat.

-- Quarantine Room --

Carter: He's flat lining!

Frasier: Normally I'd defibrillate, but I don't know what it'll do in this case. One milligram epinephrine. Start a lidocaine IV. Go!

-- Planet --


The plants rise. Then falls. Teal'C digs in the ground. He touches some of the slime from the plant.

(Teal'c groans) He holds his head. He's in SERIOUS pain.

(low droning)

-- Quarantine Lab --

Carter: He's stable for now.

Jackson: lf he's gonna die, shouldn't we at least let him be with his own kind?

-- Daniel's Office --

Daniel's looking at a tape from the planet of the plant.

O'Neill: What are you looking for?

Jackson: I don't know. Something. Anything.

O'Neill: Daniel, we can't always expect things to go the way we want them to.

Jackson: To go the way we want them to? I mean, one wrong move, one false step, and a whole fragile world gets wiped out? (Raised voice, throws stuff off his desk) We are killing a whole race of people here! How can I not care?! (Tape is still shown playing in the back)

O'Neill: What?

Jackson: My head hurts again.

-- Infirmary --

Frasier: Well, your pupils look fine.

Jackson: This is the strangest thing. I feel fine again.

Frasier: OK. So, then, when did this start?

Jackson: it was probably while I was watching the... Excuse me.

-- Daniel's Office --

Jackson: There has to be something the camera recorded. Something we can't see.

Carter: Or hear. Give me the tape.

-- Control Room --

O'Neill: Carter, what are you doing?

Carter: I'm looking for something that we can't hear. Here. In the long amplitude waves. Isolating and amplifying.

(low droning)

Carter: You see this was under everything you recorded with the camera. The sound was present the entire time we were on the planet. We just couldn't hear it.

O'Neill: it's kind of annoying. Why don't you turn it down?

Frasier: it's more than annoying. It’s also responsible for the symptoms you were describing.

Jackson: it is?

Frasier: Long-term exposure to certain sounds can cause serious physical side effects. Your headaches, nausea, severe irritability. The longer you're exposed to it, the worse it gets.

Carter: I bet this is what interfered with the remote control on the UAV.

Jackson: So this is what's making the aliens sick?

Frasier: No. You felt better when you got back. But the alien just keeps getting worse.

Carter: And the sound that was causing your symptoms isn't here on the base. Except on this tape.

Daniel: So this isn't what's making the aliens sick?

Technician: Colonel, incoming wormhole. SG-1 code verified.

O'Neill: Open the iris. (Walks down to the gateroom. Teal'c emerges looking sick. Everyone runs to him) You all right?

Teal'c: My condition is improving.

O'Neill: Sit down.

Jackson: well, I guess Jaffa aren't completely impervious after all.

Teal'c: What has led you to that assumption?

O'Neill: Well, there's... some kind of bad sound on that planet.

Jackson: it's what made us sick. It just took you longer to cave in.

Teal'c: I believe it to be the organism that was somehow attacking me.

Carter: What organism?

Teal'c: I made a discovery while observing your plants Daniel Jackson.

Jackson: You saw them grow?

Teal'c: indeed. I saw several of them rise. When I approached, they retracted into the ground. I removed the dirt from around the retracted plants. It appears they are all connected.

Carter: And you say it attacked you?

Teal'c: As I drew near the organism, I became disoriented. My head was overcome with great pain. Movement became very difficult.

Jackson: That's it.

O'Neill: What? (Daniel starts to walk out) Where are you going?

Jackson: (Walks back to them) Come on. (Leaves) (Everyone follows him to the control room) (To tech)Did we record audio from the UAV's air run over PJ2-445?

Technician: Sure.

Jackson: Do you have a tape?

Technician: it's in the hard-drive data bank.

Carter: Run it though an audio spectrum analysis, amplify the low end and replay it though the speakers. I think I know where you're going.

Jackson: Fast-forward to after the UAV crashed. When the UAV crashed on the plant, the sound changed.

O'Neill: The plant is making that sound?

Carter: Sir, it's an alien organism on another planet.

O'Neill: Good point.

Jackson: We changed the sound the organism naturally makes.

Teal'c: Why would the sound change?

Jackson: it's alive. We... hurt it.

Carter: Maybe the aliens are affected by the sound in different ways than you were. They could need the sound to be at a certain frequency.

Teal'c: For what reason?

Carter: To live. They don't even have the same internal organs that we do.

Frasier: The ultrasound. Do you remember the way the alien reacted when I tried to do the ultrasound? That organ that we couldn't identify must be sound sensitive.

-- Quarantine Lab --

Hammond: So this inaudible sound made you sick, but not in the same way it was affecting the aliens? They need the sound to live, but we altered it by harming the organism that makes the sound?

O'Neill: Sounds right.

Frasier: His pulse is getting stronger.

(tuneful wailing)

He looks at Daniel, who smiles. He smiles back at Daniel.

-- Planet Surface --

Carter: Frequency emitters are operational, sir. Daniel, we should, uh, we should get out of here.

Jackson: Well, don't you wanna stay and see if it works?

Carter: Yeah. But we can watch from the ridge over there. I have a hunch, and I think we might be in the way.

Jackson: Goodbye. How much longer, do you think?

Carter: I don't know.

O'Neill: Care to let us in on this hunch?

Carter: Not yet, sir.

(tuneful wailing)

Teal'c: There. The plants are growing.

Jackson: That was your hunch?

Carter: I had a feeling there was a symbiotic relationship between the aliens and the organism. They probably don't even realize it.

Jackson: How did you realize it?

O'Neill: Captain?

Carter: I talk to my plants, OK?

Plants bloom into pretty pink flowers.

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